Bigones Adventure
by Swwigy
Summary: Big-ones is a ditsy amazon who doesnt quite understand the struggle between chaos and order... perhaps she never will...
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer… of Diablo 2 does not belong to me… I mean if I owned the game id like have money and then the scripts would be publish fancily and I wouldn't be writing this disclaimer.   
  
The Adventures of Big-Ones…  
  
Chapter 1   
  
Starting out on quest for nothing.  
  
Deep in the jungles, there was a great Amazon warrior. Her name was a spectacular one which fitted her body structure very, very well. It was Big-ones. She had clothing, it was barely clothing though, but it was still clothing. One day she decide to go to Act I. She got on the waypoint (WP) and teleported to the rouge encampments. The rouges were young girls that all looked the same. They also were dressed in small skimpy outfits. So our friend felt very at home with these skimpy dressed well developed young girls.   
  
She went over to an old man named Deckard Cain, he was a horadrim. As Diablo 2 fans know , he is a decent man, I have made some alterations to the ancient "groupie". She asked him what the quest was, however , he just kept talking about the horadrims, that know one cared about, ever.  
  
Suddenly she had a serious urge to kill stuff with her bow. So she ran out into the field… she hit a "black walled"… lag…Ok well anyway she went to the WP and went to the cathedral. She was hoping for a sermon but suddenly burst out and killed stuff. Kill kill kill, she shot so fast it wasn't even possible. The arrows were white… all of a sudden she yelled uncontrollably "I need mana!!!".  
  
Running some more, she got tired, she walk incredibly fast instead. Walking at a jogging pace. *sigh* She saw a chest. Hoping for a Wind force or a eagle horn, bows with incredible stats that wouldn't be possible in real life whatsoever but somehow, existed, she ran to the chest and opened it. Out popped 15 feet in the air a colossus bow… which weigh like so much. Maybe 500 pounds.  
  
"Ah crap I am gonna get my "pet"" She made billybangs carry her bow. Cain IDed it. It was the Super Cruel Colossus Bow of Stuff. Big-ones and her super intelligent self, wondered what the hell stuff was.  
  
Stats-  
500% enhanced damage  
Animals crawl up pants  
Light radius sorta disappears  
1000% chance to bring enemy back to life on striking  
1%chance to do nothing  
50% chance to convert you gender on your birthday  
Invincibility only between 5 and 6 on Fridays  
And stuff…  
  
Still obviously confused, Big-ones wonder what the hell stuff was. I think we all are biggies.   
Cain told her if she did "stuff" with him, he would make it better. She slapped him so hard it made him hurt. Naughty Amazon.  
  
She decided to kill Andariel(again)ent to Catacombs three then four then to "Andy". Seeing she had skimpier "clothing than herself, she killed her and took it. Now she was even less dressed than before. Hehehe thank you God. She looked like a harem girl.  
  
Suddenly MasterMofo entered the world.  
  
"Hi" Big-ones greeted  
  
"Hi" said MasterMofo  
  
"What do you use?"  
  
"Stuff"  
  
"What kind of stuff"  
  
"MasterMofo stuff"  
  
"Are you very bright?"  
  
"NO"  
  
"Show me Your "stuff""  
  
MasterMofo ran over to her and a trade thing appeared he put out a 0 damage ear that said "MasterMofo Stuff"  
  
Big-ones look at him with a blank stare and then shot him, but he was resurrected.  
  
"Damn it Andy is still alive"  
  
Suddenly naked Andy came running on through town. Big-ones saw that she was mad so she gave her "clothing" back. But now she was naked and had no money.  
  
"Do you have any armor I can use?"  
  
"Yes, but its good to be naked"  
  
"Give me the armor"  
  
"Fine then"  
  
He ran to his really small stash which helm more than I should and got to armor. It was Ethereal (un-repairable and Clear). Thankfully to all you perverts, this has been included in my story. This so should have been a feature for Diablo 2.  
  
Suddenly out of the blue, MasterMofo Giggle like a young girl starting a great relationship.  
  
Next Time… MasterMofo and Big-ones journey to find the exclusive crown from Burger King!! 


	2. Bigones adventure 2

Chapter 2  
  
Burger King Crown  
  
Running in the flayer jungle shooting multiple flayers with only one arrow… Master Mofo needed a weapon so he could spin around like a ballerina and kill stuff. Cause everything Big-ones kill was automatically resurrected. Sigh. MasterMofo insisted that his "stuff" was good enough. Big-ones kept trying to kill them, all of sudden a simple idea hit her so hard she fell over. She pull out a normal bow and killed them all. A gold text sword dropped so they both knew it was good. Cain made it be the Grandmother Sword. Since Cain sincerely felt sorry for the fool, he added ethereal and self repair to the sword.  
  
"why did you add those to my sword Cain?"   
  
"because its cool!!!" Cain said with vigorous-ness "and because it looks like your unarmed."  
  
Big-ones came through the portal instantaneously holding a crown plus so much more that would be impossible to carry or hold at once.  
  
"wow, I'm gonna call that the Burger King Crown!!" Cain Exclaimed.  
  
Stats-   
300%percent enhanced damage  
40% chance to make a burger  
3% chance to order a cheese burger with out the cheese  
100% chance to get Ecoli and other diseases   
Make LITTLE KIDS Happy  
  
Mofo found a lighter and started burning the paper crown  
  
"damn you bastard, don't burn my crown!!!!!!!!" Big-ones yelled impolitely.  
  
"HEHEHEHEHHEHEHEH"  
  
"fool"  
  
"I'm gonna go inscribe my name into my grandmother sword"  
  
"is that the one that make you break your back?"  
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" he skipped of into the WP  
  
"that's one disturber kid!!"  
  
"tell me about it" Cain inferred with great pleasure.  
  
"huh, oh ok here it goes!!"  
  
END  
Next Time…  
Big-ones finds Breast enhancing armor, like she needs it… 


	3. bigones adventure 3

Disclaimer yadaydayd same as the beginning of the story…  
  
Chapter 3!!  
  
Bigger the Better!!  
  
"Singing, singing," Big-ones sang. All the enemies she shot were immediately resurrected. She kept shooting and shooting, she shot more, well pretty much more than a quiver should hold!!  
  
"Hhaha" some guy said  
  
Suddenly she turn around, her hair, although in a ponytail swung back revealing her beautiful curvious face, the mans eyes started to draw down to her breast, which were bare. He cocked his head…  
  
"I that ethereal armor your wearing?"  
  
"heheheheheh" she giggled "yes it is"  
  
"I am TheGrimRayper"  
  
She looked at him very disturbed…  
  
"take this my friend" he reach in an imaginary inventory and pulled out "Ethereal Armour of the ""jug"gernaut "this is breast enhancing Armour, with really high defense, which isn't too hard to figure out why"  
  
"Wow, I'm so top heavy like Brittany Spears"  
  
"Yes, yes you are" he kept stareing.  
  
She fondly giggled and played with herself while TheGrimRayper got ideas.  
  
Hours Later…  
  
"Would ya like to travel with me and my stupid friend?"  
  
"Yea sure"  
  
"Hi," MasterMofo started prancing around like and ass muffin "Theres something different, something got bigger, not just two thing but three."  
  
"Three"  
  
"Yea Baby"  
  
"You like them?"  
  
"hell yea"  
  
"Who's the barbarian"  
  
"My extremely challenged friend"  
  
"MasterMofo…" he chanted.  
  
"Oh yea the text over you head tells all!!"  
  
"Where!!??" shout MasterMofo looking franticly around  
  
They all became good friends… Big-ones started to go insane with her newly developer objects…  
  
Next time…  
  
Big-Ones falls in love with Diablo, her "one true love"  
It seems that Diablo can please he in many ways… 


End file.
